Convincing myself…

I first met my dear friend Ashley while she was a camper at MCSC, then I became one of her youth ministers and then a roommate and fellow camp staff member. Now she is getting ready to decide what college she should attend. That is just weird. Earlier this afternoon she and I had an interesting conversation.

We were talking about how sometimes as Christians we convince ourselves that something we are doing or are going to do is the will of God, even when it may not be. I guess we just like having something concrete and not having to make the tough decisions. It really is much easier to just say I’m going to go to this college or I’m going to take this job so that we have a plan, rather than really being honest and seeking out what God truly wants for us. Sometimes God is gracious and still blesses the decisions we make. Other times it becomes very obvious we are running the opposite direction from where God is calling us.

I’ve been think about the times I’ve done this very thing. I’ve convinced myself it was where God wanted me, simply because it was easier than taking the steps of faith down an unlit path. Looking back at those times I thank him over and over for being gracious and forgiving my laziness and lack of faith. There have been times where God has taken my stubbornness and provided me with great opportunities to serve and be blessed by his people. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. But today it is the times that God has had to wait for me to admit I was avoiding the tough steps that are running through my head. I’m realizing more and more how hard it is for me trust and how much I miss out on when I’m too stubborn to do so.

Lord, teach me to trust you more. Help me tune into your voice and follow you wherever you lead. When I try to convince myself my ideas are your will, remind me you take the hard steps with me. I know in my head you will always bring me out of the valleys, but my heart can’t seem to handle the fact the path in front of me isn’t clear. Teach my heart to be willing to do whatever you call me to do. Give me a stronger passion for loving your people no matter where it is you place me to serve you. Simply put, God, make me more like Jesus.