The Never-ending Conversation

For the last four years there has been this never-ending conversation in my mind and I'm sure most of you can guess what it is. In fact, months ago I said I would blog about it. The question of vocational ministry vs teaching. The conversation is just this random mumble jumble that goes in all sorts of circles so don't expect any of it to make sense. Before I go any further though let me make a few things clear.

1. We are all called to be ministers right where we are.
2. Teaching is part of my ministry.

As an ordained minister I've obviously committed my life to serving God in a ministry setting. It is very obvious for this part of my life he has placed me in the schools teaching music. This year I've had the opportunity to get a small understanding of why that might be but really I have no clue. I am learning a ton of things in my classroom that are helpful for the ministry I'm a part of at GCC. And I'm learning a ton at GCC that is helpful in my classroom.

The school year has been full of ups and downs, unfortunately more downs than ups. I know teaching school is not my passion. I think I'm discovering it isn't my SHAPE either. I'm learning I really do have a gift for teaching but I'm discovering new avenues of teaching that I enjoy much more than school. And the confirmation and encouragement that has come from those experiences has literally blown me away. There are a lot of questions about what will happen with my position next year. There are a lot of things changing in the South Bend system. Everyday I ask myself, and more importantly God, if this is my last year in a school.

It is nice having a job in this area that allows me to be a part of the student ministry program at GCC. I never would have thought when I started Oasis last year that I would be
--> speaking at three weeks of Oasis and several Girlz Only events
--> serving on the leadership team for Girlz Only
--> leading an entire team to Chicago this summer
--> playing on a worship team again
I've never told them this but I feel like I'm getting a free internship at GCC. I am learning a ton from DC, Johnny and Jeffrey. I would love to be able to stick around the area and keep serving along side them.

At the same time having a job that is outside of your shape is completely draining. I come home with nothing left and have a horrible time getting up most mornings. Is it really worth spending hours and hours and hours at school and outside of school doing something you don't love with all of you heart? I love my students. I hate my job. So what do I do?

For now I finish the school year strong, giving it all I have. I love my students like Christ would love them. I show them Jesus as I teach each day. I wait and see what happens with the position at school. I lean in and listen for God's direction. I've committed to serving at GCC until the end of July, hoping by then I'll know if it is another year of teaching, time for a new ministry, or something God has up his sleeve that I'm clueless about.