One thing I wish I understood in life is why we go back and forth so quickly between mountains and valleys. Over the last few days, it seems like every aspect of my world is starting to crash in on me, and today most of it plummeted. I was too insignificant on Monday. I wasn’t smart enough on Tuesday. And today I just wasn’t good enough. All day I’ve felt completely inadequate, even to the point I didn’t want to go to Oasis. I kept thinking, what do I have to offer our students? I seem to have failed yet again so why keep trying.
I know for a fact those are all lies from Satan. I know God has shaped me in a way he has shaped no one else and has placed me where I am for a reason. But what I know is VERY different than how I feel. I am tempted to crawl behind some huge walls and fake a perfect life. But that lie doesn’t help anyone. But how did I end up here again after working so hard to move out of the valley.
Why even bother mentioning all of this? It isn’t for pity or attention, it is for taking next steps. It is about me learning that I don’t have to be perfect and that I need others to help me along the journey. That is why he gave us each other. I share so I can ask you to pray because it is the only thing I know that will help get through the valleys.
God, I honestly don’t feel worth very much right now. It is hard for me to understand or accept that you would want to invest and love someone like me. Help me to believe that all you ask for is obedience; you will take care of the rest.
You know, I felt that a lot over the early part of the summer. What I have come to realize is that everything fits inot GOd's master plan. Even at times when I feel like I am beating my head against the wall, I have to remind myself that God truly does have my best interest at heart even in those moments when I want to scream at him "What are you doing?"
ReplyDeletep.s. I should be getting a macbook pro delivered either tomorrow or Monday!
AMEN Sister. That is the story of our lives. But like you told me, now I know what I need to do, and you mentioned here what I need to do. Satan is going to try up and try to get us off our path; but with people in our lives (you in mine)we will overcome as long as God is our foundation...
ReplyDeleteYou are worth a million things to me. If I did not get to see your face or your amazing smile every week not sure what I would do. What about Dominick and all the Oasis students. We all need a Sarah in our life, and you are my Sarah...